Tantrums are a normal part of childhood. They can happen suddenly and turn a peaceful moment into a full-blown emotional storm. Whether your child is two or five, learning how to manage tantrums with calm and confidence is one of the most important skills you can develop as a parent.
This article will guide you through why tantrums happen, what you can do in the moment, and how to prevent them from happening too often.
Why Do Kids Have Tantrums?
Tantrums are a form of communication. Young children don’t yet have the language or emotional skills to express themselves, so they use what they do know: crying, yelling, and sometimes even hitting or kicking.
Common tantrum triggers include:
- Hunger or fatigue
- Frustration or overstimulation
- Inability to get what they want
- Changes in routine or unexpected situations
- Seeking attention or testing limits
Tantrums aren’t a sign of bad parenting—they’re a sign your child is learning how to deal with big emotions.
Step 1: Stay Calm
This is the hardest—and most powerful—thing you can do during a tantrum. If you respond with anger or yelling, it usually escalates the situation.
How to Stay Calm:
- Take deep breaths
- Remind yourself: “This is not personal”
- Lower your voice instead of raising it
- Step away for a second if it’s safe to do so
- Use a calming phrase like, “I’m here. I’ll help you when you’re ready.”
Your calm presence teaches your child how to self-regulate by modeling it.
Step 2: Validate Their Feelings
Children want to feel seen and heard, even when they’re out of control.
Try saying:
- “You’re really upset right now.”
- “It’s okay to feel angry, but not okay to hit.”
- “I understand this is hard for you.”
Validation doesn’t mean you’re giving in—it means you’re helping them process.
Step 3: Set Clear, Gentle Boundaries
While you want to be empathetic, you also need to maintain boundaries.
For example:
- “I won’t let you hit me. I’m going to move back now.”
- “We’re not buying that toy today. I know that’s disappointing.”
- “I’ll wait here with you until you’re calm.”
Use a calm, firm tone—not threatening or emotional.
Step 4: Keep It Short and Simple
During a tantrum, kids are emotionally overwhelmed. Long lectures or explanations won’t work.
Instead, keep communication brief:
- “I’m here.”
- “You’re safe.”
- “Let me know when you’re ready.”
Let your presence do most of the talking.
Step 5: Offer Comfort, Not Rewards
Some kids calm down with a hug. Others need space. Watch your child’s cues and offer comfort when appropriate.
Avoid offering treats, toys, or distractions as rewards for calming down. This may encourage future tantrums as a strategy for getting what they want.
Instead, comfort might look like:
- Holding their hand
- Sitting quietly nearby
- Gentle words or physical reassurance
Step 6: Talk About It Afterward
Once your child is calm, use the opportunity to reflect and teach.
Ask questions like:
- “What were you feeling?”
- “What can we do next time when we feel that way?”
- “Was there another way to handle it?”
Keep the tone gentle and focused on learning, not punishment.
Tips for Preventing Tantrums
While tantrums can’t be avoided completely, you can reduce how often and how intensely they happen.
1. Stick to a Routine
Predictability helps children feel secure and reduces emotional stress.
2. Offer Choices
Let them pick between two snacks or which shirt to wear. Feeling in control helps reduce resistance.
3. Watch for Triggers
Notice when tantrums happen most often (before nap? after school?) and adjust routines.
4. Keep Expectations Age-Appropriate
Don’t expect a toddler to sit quietly for an hour. Set your child up for success.
5. Praise Positive Behavior
Notice and celebrate calm communication: “I liked how you used your words when you were upset.”
When to Seek Help
Occasional tantrums are normal. But if your child:
- Has aggressive tantrums daily
- Hurts themselves or others frequently
- Can’t calm down after long periods
- Has trouble communicating or making eye contact
…it may be time to speak to a pediatrician or child psychologist for support.
You Can Handle This—And So Can Your Child
Tantrums are temporary, but the way you respond has lasting impact. By staying calm, setting clear boundaries, and showing empathy, you’re teaching your child emotional intelligence and resilience.
They won’t remember every tantrum—but they’ll remember how you made them feel safe and understood.
You’re doing the work of raising a strong, emotionally healthy human. And that’s something to be proud of.